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Riding the Coronacoaster

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Have you seen the meme defining a “coronacoaster” – the ups and downs of living in a pandemic? I don’t know about you, but that perfectly captures me and my wildly shifting emotions. Interestingly I’m finding my kids are more even keel than I am. They’re teenagers, and like everyone’s children, they had to abandon their spring and summer plans. I’ve found them to be resilient, creative, and accepting in the faces of the losses they have sustained. As we head towards the fall, and all the uncertainty that brings, they are saying they will be OK no matter what. While a lot of their reactions have to do with their personalities, I can also see that the lessons learned at sleepaway camps and teen programs helped prepare them for this tough time. They are making the best of what the world has to offer and still having fun. They’ve found new ways to meet their goals, follow their interests, and enjoy the summer, all while staying safe. I can connect all the ways they’ve managed during the pandemic to things that a child may navigate away at camp or on a teen trip. The coronacoaster is not my cup of tea, but as it’s the only attraction open this summer, I’m going to do my best to notice the best parts of the ride.

No One is an Only Child at Camp

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For all but four weeks a summer, I was an only child.  My house was quiet.  I had my own bathroom and bedroom.  I never had to vy for attention from my parents.  I never had to share, compete, or complain about unfairness.  Friends would tell me how lucky I was, how horrible their own siblings were, and that they would trade places with me in an instant.

 

Yet from my perspective, I often found life as an only child boring, my house too quiet, and my adult-centered world somewhat stifling.

 

I lived for camp. Camp was busy.  Camp was noisy.  Camp offered me 10 sisters as cabin mates, and we spent every minute together.  There was a full table at meals, and 300 campers and staff sang Happy Birthday to me every year.  There was always someone to play with.  We swam together, sang camp songs together, walked around arm-in-arm, and cried when the summer ended.  I loved every minute.

 

Over the last twenty years, the number of women opting to have only one child has doubled. Only-child families are the fastest growing families in the U.S.  A lot of those kids will be just like me and will thrive in the right camp setting. They will learn life skills that siblings naturally develop, gain independence and coping strategies, and will love being part of a pack.  I had wonderful parents who provided an amazing childhood, but of all the incredible opportunities they offered, I’m most grateful that they sent me to camp.

The Power of Camp Friendships

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          Last summer I attended the 30-year reunion of my CIT summer at camp in Northern Wisconsin.  Being back together with our tight-knit group brought me right back to 1988.  It was as if no time had passed- we all fell right back into the friendships that are over 30 years old.  It’s hard to believe that I’ve known this group for so long. We’ve been in each others’ lives from high school graduation through college, through weddings and babies and now sending our own children to camp and on to become counselors as well.
          Some of us have seen each other frequently over the years, and others haven’t seen each other at all, but when we got together it felt as if no time had passed. It made me wonder…. why do camp friendships endure? Camp is an intense time, living in close quarters, sharing laughter, tears, inside jokes and amazing activities.  When you’re at camp, you can’t rely on your parents to solve things for you.  You learn independence, conflict management, and empathy.  Twelve kids sleeping in the same bunk get to know each other quickly, in a way that differs from siblings and school friendships.  Silly games, ghost stories and creating traditions forge bonds that last a lifetime.  Unplugging intensifies the experience even more.
          In my day, we had to write “snail mail” letters to keep in touch with our camp friends during the school year. With social media and cell phones, camp bonds are even stronger now because it’s easier to stay connected even when you aren’t sitting around the campfire. Camp fosters these special friendships that will be cherished over a lifetime.
1988                                                                                                    2018

Go with a Friend or Go Alone?

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Go with a Friend or Go Alone?

 

As kids consider the prospect of a sleepaway experience, many hope to attend with a friend from home. Setting aside the fact that finding a friend with the same interests and coordinating summer schedules is difficult enough, is it a good idea to go with a friend or is it better to go alone? Is an experience enhanced or hindered by having a friend in tow?

 

With a friend – the upside:

  • Having a familiar face during the first couple days of a new sleepaway camp experience can ease the transition from home.
  • There is a feeling of security from having a friend right away.
  • A friend to sit with on the bus to summer camp or the plane can be fun and a welcome distraction.
  • Friends who don’t see much of each other during the school year can reconnect with a shared summer experience.

 

With a friend – the downside:

  • Having a friend from home can limit a child’s ability or desire to make new friends and seek out new experiences.
  • Going together can backfire on a friendship; differing interests in activities, new friends, and diverging expectations for the camp or program can all have a negative impact.
  • The group dynamic can be affected negatively by pods of kids who know each other. Travel programs for teens in particular work very hard to create a group that works well together and is a supportive, welcoming community.
  • Homesickness is contagious. One homesick friend can bring the other down quickly.

 

Go it alone – the upside:

  • Attending alone builds confidence, independence, resilience and grit.
  • Parents can encourage a child in his/her future challenges with a reminder of success at camp.
  • Kids who go alone are keenly interested in making friends right away; they will bond with others and make lasting friendships with kids from other places and backgrounds.
  • Counselors and staff are trained and focused on facilitating friendships, particularly for kids who come by themselves.

 

Go it alone – the downside:

  • For those kids who struggle to make friends or shy away from new experiences, the absence of an immediate friend may make the transition a bit longer.

Whether your child attends a camp or program by his/herself or with a friend, it’s key to find the right match (hint: contact your Tips advisor!) to ensure the best chance for a positive experience. If your child goes with a friend, have a conversation with the parents to make sure interests and expectations align, and then speak to program directors. Sleepaway camps and summer teen trips are wonderful growth opportunities, so whether they go with a friend or go it alone, the most important thing is to GO!

Camp is not just for kids!

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Yes, camp is a wonderful opportunity for children to gain independence, foster self-reliance, embark on new adventures, make new friends, and acquire much-sought-after grit and resilience! But did you know that camp is also good for parents? Time away from children enables parents to reconnect, enjoy adult-centered time, or even take an adult-only vacation! Or, if other children are home while siblings are at camp, the one-on-one time parents can enjoy with that child is an added benefit that is often rare during the school year.

 

Separation from your children, whether for two weeks or all summer, is as beneficial for you as it is for them.

 

Reconnect as a couple

 

An unscheduled summer weekend is unusual these days. Reclaim your own free time while kids are away and reconnect to your spouse. You will quickly realize how long it has been since you’ve had such freedom.

 

Be yourself again instead of “Katie’s mom”

 

…at least for a few weeks! Do the things that you want to do rather than all the things you have to do for your family the rest of the year. Learn to paddleboard, take an art class, play sports, take pictures of objects, landscapes, or people other than your kids! Most parents, especially those who work outside the home, feel they do not have enough time for leisure and for doing whatever makes them happy as a person, not just as a parent.

 

Use this time well

 

Parenting is a stressful business. Juggling jobs, schedules, and the needs of different children while keeping the house organized and dinner on the table is taxing for even the most organized parent. Use this time to lower your stress levels and put yourself first while the kids are away – if you do, you will be a better parent and couple when they come home.

What’s your New Year’s Resolution? How about: Being a good parent by doing LESS for your child?

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I’ve been reading a number of articles lately that have to do with the positive outcomes of letting your child fail. Studies have shown that many children who are sheltered and shielded from disappointment and whose parents constantly step in to rescue them, end up being lethargic and underachieving later in life. It’s these same kids that grow up to be lazy with a lack of work ethic. In one article, an employer described this type of young adult as the one who expects a standing ovation if they show up for work.

So what does that mean for us parents? Our natural instinct is to catch our child when he falls. When they were babies we protected them from hitting their heads and falling out of the highchair. But then as toddlers while learning to walk…they needed to stumble and fall, get up, stumble and fall, over and over again before they learned to balance on their own and take those first steps. When, as parents, do we let go?

It’s true; kids today are more sheltered than ever. Parents are more involved, maybe too involved. The “everyone gets a trophy / nobody loses” culture is ever-present, and it may be hurting our kids in the long run. When kids take healthy risks, explore new things, and get out of their comfort zone they end up being more resilient later in life. Failing and then figuring out solutions on their own will help them mature and grow into confident, successful, and happy adults.

Children need time away from their parents, they need that opportunity to be independent and make decisions on their own. They need to stumble and fall, and figure out solutions. Learning from mistakes and recovering from failure is an important skill that our kids can learn. If we, as parents always swoop in to rescue them, our kids won’t learn those coping skills.

An experience away from home is invaluable. It might include going to sleep away camp, spending time with grandparents or close friends, joining a mission trip with the local church group, working on a community service project such as Habitat for Humanity, getting a part time job at the local grocery store, or volunteering at the local food pantry.

Whatever it may be, let’s stop rescuing our children. Let’s encourage them to take responsibility for their mistakes and not blame others. Let’s let them know that we love them unconditionally, whether they get an A in math or a C. Let’s praise them for their efforts and encourage them to try again if they don’t succeed the first time; after all, failure can motivate them to practice harder, study longer, and be creative by finding another solution to the problem!

Camp Prepares Children for College

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As a young mother, I was often given the age-old advice “Cherish every moment. They grow up so fast.” What an understatement! As I now prepare myself for the emotional task of sending my daughter to college, I am so glad that I not only cherished every moment, but that I gave her many moments that she will cherish for a lifetime.

Sending a child to college parallels sending a child to sleepaway camp for the first time. It is an emotional rollercoaster of anxiety, excitement, pride, indecision and ultimately pure joy! I find myself looking back to my daughter’s first year as a camper and remembering the changes she went through in just a few short weeks. Her strength, independence, curiosity and willingness to try new activities was astounding. Whether it was waterskiing for the first time, or climbing the rock wall or performing in the camp theatre production, she participated in new activities each year and gained incredible confidence through these opportunities.

Now I have the confidence in knowing that wherever she goes to college, she will be an independent leader and not only strive for excellence in her studies, but also take advantage of all the extracurricular opportunities that are available.

I have spoken with many parents who feel the same way. Their child may not have been to overnight camp, but perhaps went on a community service trip, a language immersion experience, a wilderness adventure or an academic enrichment program. Whatever the experience, these parents feel that some form of summer program, away from home, helped prepare their child for a successful transition to college.

My advice to young parents is to absolutely cherish every moment but to also give your children opportunities that will allow for personal growth to prepare them for college and beyond.

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